💙💙I love my husband. 💙💙

Somebody reading this wondering at this moment is he or she ” the one”.

Many ponder love. What is it?  Is it possible to love one person for life? How can they find it? Is it worth it? I can tell you this, nobody has that answer for you. Every one has a different opinion on love. It is a risk and only you know if you are willing to take it.

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When a person gets married, they put their entire life in their spouse’s hands.  Everything literally becomes one. Life becomes about pleasing and being pleased, mind, body and soul.

That person is the one you will see every time you wake up and fall asleep and the person sharing and preparing food with you. This is the one you give your body to for pleasure and share intimate times. The spouse is the one who you are most vulnerable with.

This person can tell doctors to pull the plug, have custody of your children, and affect your spiritual and mental health. This person becomes your world, yet you are still an individual. This is what makes finding ” the one” such a challenge. It has to be all about them while still being yourself.  It is serious business to say ” I do” and it is not always a fairytale. Sometimes it is extremely overwhelming. Sometimes it makes you want to run away. But that’s when you pray. God is love so there is no better source of inspiration and guidence to make it througb the hard moments.

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My husband is the only man I  have ever loved enough to trust with my entire life.  I have faith in who he is. He loves me. This, I know for sure. Sometimes love is not enough. Sometimes people love but still leave.  I am grateful that it has been enough for us.

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I can’t speak for everyone, but my life experiences have taught me that there are many twist when it comes to love. You can love more than once. You can fall for the absolute wrong person. You can even rationalize lust by calling it love.  But true and lasting love between two people is a God given gift that needs prayer at all times.

For anything to grow it has to be nurtured. It is the same rule for love. Feed love what it needs and growth will happen. The challenge is it takes two people to nurture a relationship. It takes two people to manage a marriage. Not one and not three…just yourself and the spouse.

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You have to put yourselves inside a love bubble with God as the leader.  Being in the bubble will be difficult, but it is protection from the world. Every marriage is different and needs its own bubble. What’s happening inside is personal and belongs to only two people. It takes practice and commitment from both people but it is doable.

Nurturing has many components. The most important three are prayer, trust, and forgiveness. I have learned these three things can sustain or destroy a relationship. If one of these is missing in a marriage, then it will be miserable.  The combination of unconditional love and the nurturing of that love in all situations is the essence of what marriage is. 💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

 

 

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We live in a world of opportunism. People take advantage of any situation to get ahead of the game. Some say its dog eat dog while others say its survival. But at any rate, we all have a responsibility to live our own best lives and that means being accountable for our own good, bad, and stupid actions.

When bad things happen, it’s natural to look for a fall guy.  Somebody has to be responsible! We blame the world for everything.  But more often than not, our messes are products of our own mistakes. And sometimes you simply have to pay what you owe if you want to move on.😥😥😥😥😥😥😥

So often, when we screw up, we look for a target, that fall guy. We need somebody to be accountable for what has happened.  It is so nice to point fingers. But how far do you get doing that? Is anything fixed by playing the blame game? The answer is…..NO.

I want things but my credit, my bank account,  and my list of wants don’t match. 😲 There is a simple fix. Get a plan to fix my credit and save ans then get the things I want. Over the years, I have spent my money doing a hundred other things and not making credit my priority. So, whose fault is it if I can’t have what I want today? The government? My family? The “man” who holds everyone down? No! It is mine and mine alone!

Sometimes you just have to pay what you owe! And if it is a struggle, then learn from it! Don’t make the same mistakes. A week ago, I had the unpleasant experience of going outside to find my car was missing. It was a moment of disbelief because I read about car theft often in the news but never dreamed it would happen to me. Well, the car wasn’t stolen. It was towed😱.

🚓🚓🚓🚔The police strategically towed our car, and many others, on a four day holiday weekend for out-of-date registrations.😣 This meant four  days of impound fees, a registration fee, and a ticket to pay.

While I was relieved the car wasn’t stolen, I was angry about the way the city had set people up. They were about to make an enormous amount of money$$$ How dare they do this!! People work too hard for a dollar and they intentionally set out to maximize the amount of money they could make off our misfortunes. 

I wanted to stay mad about the situation, and for the most part I still am upset. But I began to think about the responsibility we had to make sure the car needs were handled. The police didn’t forget to get the new registration before Jan. 31.  We did. Now, we had to pay the price. It was aweful and my husband had worked hard for that money, but in the end we had to pay what we owed! 

 

 

 

To be or not to be…a Christian

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1John 2:4-6 Whoever says, ‘I know him,’ but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in that person. But if anyone obeys his word, love for God is truly made complete in them. This is how we know we are in him: Whoever claims to live in him must live as Jesus did.”

I have learned to look deeper when dealing with church families. It is easy to love your church family and see them in a specific light because most of the time you only see them in a specific setting. I am very fond of my church families.  I enjoy the fellowship. I hope my church families feel the same about my family and me. But over the years I have learned there is so much more to aligning yourself with other Christians than I thought, beginning with recognizing a true Christian heart.  True Christian hearts can be overlooked because it is assumed we always find them in a church. We learn that if you want to get drunk, you go to a bar. If you want be with Christians, you go to a church. But this is not truth. People can get drunk anywhere just as a Christian can be present anywhere. Being a Christian is a lifestyle; a commitment that is made on a personal level to God and not to man. It doesn’t mean you will be perfect, but you will try to be like Christ.  And when, not if, you mess up, you reach out to God, not man,  to get your Christian life back on track.

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This also means I have to take the time to examine my own heart and stay in prayer about my own Christian walk. It is simple for me to go get the Word on Sunday, but it is challenging for me to live the Word the rest of the week. Emotions are real and it is easy to give into them and into flesh verses giving into God’s way. 

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People attending church often are proud to proclaim their Christian faith. But what people need to do is ask the hard question. Am I a Christian?  It is easy to attend church. It can be fun. You get to socialize, attend special events and join special groups.  There is a supportive group of familiar people who are ready to hold your hand through different life events. But yet many times a person’s heart doesn’t belong to God. How do I know this to be true? I listen to people. Many people say and do contradictory things when it comes to Christianity. Scripture says to do one thing and yet they disregard it and follow their own ways. I know I am guilty of this. I know I am not perfect, or even close to it. When it comes to living a Holy life, I have fallen short many times. I am humble enough to know I am a sinner saved by my Father in Heaven’s  grace. But I am focused these days of doing  Christian things so when I am asked are you a Christian I can respond yes knowing I am honestly trying to following Christ ways and not giving a programmed church goer response.  And, knowing that when I fall short, I recognize my ways and ask God for guidence and forgiveness. I could not say that years ago. I knew I was being a good person but I wasn’t striving to be a Godly person. There is a difference. So, ask yourself  am I a Christian and seek that honest answer for yourself. 

 

😱Letting go…. such a hard thing to do. Many people use the phrase ” let go and let God” but don’t live by those words. Instead, they give up. I thought that was me, that person who just gives up. I relalize I have somehow equated letting go to giving up. I’m sure I’m not alone. I have recently pondered if there is a differnce between the two phrases and have come up empty so many times.😶  I guess many people could care less about this topic, but I do. It is defining feature of my character so I want to understand it.

In times of distress, one of the go to phrases many people say is ” I just give up”. We all have a melting point, that point where distress is greater than hope . That moment when nothing is working and you have to acknowledge that nothing you are doing is affecting the outcome. It is extremely frustrating😣

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$$Money, 👪family, 🏡house,💉 health, 💼career, and the list continues…..all of these things, at some point, have made me say I just give up. But, I realize now that I seldom have  given up. Giving up means having no hope and having no faith in God to work it all out. In my worse moments, I have used my mustard seed of faith to pray or reach out to  prayer warriors to pray with me. This is not giving up. This is letting go.  This is recognizing I’m not God and God is God and respecting that reality.

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To give up means no hope. It means no praying, no anticipation of change. It is a pessimistic view  of  the situation at hand. I have seldom walked away from any issues with this view. What I have done is let go. Having hope hurts! You cant control what happens with hope and no actions.  Hope is abstract.

I have learned that I can’t control many things but I can pray. Prayer is abstract just like hope but they bring concrete results. Prayer changes everything.   And contrary to my response to some life events, even in happiness, anger, fear, despair, or any emtional state,  I am continuously learning to pray and watch. Admittedly, I sometimes have a lack of anticipation for positive outcomes, but I have learned to let go and to be serious about Letting God. Giving up is not in my spirit.

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The next time you use those phrases, think about what you are saying and who you really are. Maybe you do give up, or maybe you are really just letting go and that is quite ok. 🌸

 

 

 

 

 

Who needs an oxygen mask? We all do!💜💛❤I love hard. When I love you, I give my all to you in anyway you need me. If I can’t help you, I won’t hurt you.  Most often, I have leaned, this unconditional love has emotional consequences. It causes me to feel pain deeper than I probably should and too often to live in a state of panic and sometimes sadness. I want to help and to fix things but I have learned some things I can’t fix and it is hard to watch with knowledge that I can’t do anything about it.😢

☔☔☔☔☔☔☔☔☔☔☔☔☔☔☔😱It is easy to go into an anxious state of living when it seems your world is flipping upside down😵. Many people never get to see me anxious. In fact, I have been called “superwoman”, “strong willed”, and “courageous”💪.  But a handful of close confidants know my inner struggles. They see me cry 😞and hear my pleas for prayer 🙏when I don’t have the spiritual or emotional strength to pray myself.  I have been told many times I need to put on my oxygen mask and then try to handle situations. In fact, when I was working with others in the counseling field, I too told clients to do just that. But as I ponder on what that phrase is saying, I ask just how do I do that 😶? How do I put that oxygen mask on in the midst of chaos and in the midst of hyperventilating?

Usually another person grabs a bag and places it over a person’s nose and mouth when they are in the state of hyperventilating. So, what am I to do when it’s just me and I have to save myself so I can help everyone else?⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐Part of having my mask on is  understanding that unconditionally loving people does not equal unconditionally accepting people. It doesn’t mean unconditionally helping people. It means knowing when a person needs your help and when they don’t. It doesn’t mean sacrificing yourself for the cause or fighting their battles. It means loving them in their good times and their bad times.  It means support and prayers. It means recognizing I am not God and I can’t fix everything. And it means being ok with that.

I have not figured out how to put on my oxygen mask and keep it on yet but I am understanding why everyone need to do it. I am appreciating how self care is now my number one priority. I am understanding what it means to take all my cares to God and looking to Him, not man, for strength. What are you doing to put on your oxygen mask? Think about it.

I have fighred out a huge secret to accomplishment in my life. It is to go backwards. People are so caught up in growth of money, career, family, and anything else which shouts out “I’m succeeding”  and often that is the image people get. But it is not honest. It’s all smoke and mirrors hiding what’s concealed in the every day reality of a person’s life. After all, who wants to show anyone the dust in corners and the dirt swept underneath the carpet. People want to present a clean house, smelling like roses. People like displaying an undisturbed, seemingly flawless forward motion of progress, happiness, and growth. So I now ponder about my life and my growth and I know I am at a transitional stage. This transition has me somewhat paralyzed. I try to make a move one way or another and I find myself still standing in one spot. And though I am careful to count my blessings, I know something needs to change. But making changes will expose me. It will show others my fears and  my confident demeanor that I wear as a badge of honor will be yanked off. So, I thought about my teen days. And then I went back farther to my pre-teen days. Then I reflected on my early adult days.  These days were filled with backbone and vigor.  I wonder what has so drastically changed about me that I find myself unable to move.  At the age of 12 I had to prove I was trustworthy and smart enough to do things on my own or my parents were never going to let me grow up. I had to be responsible and honest and show I deserved a chance to hang out with a friend or two ,unsupervised. As a teen, I wanted to drive. I wanted to go to parties and have friends over. I wanted to go to the movies and do all the things my peers did. And as a college student and a college graduate, I wanted to be seen as an adult. I wanted to spread my wings and fly. My parents were challenging at each level at every transition age but I had heart and motivation and I was resilient. I hid my fears about driving at 16. I kept that first kiss at 14 a secret. And my fun life in college that feshman year was not a subject of discussion within an ear shot of my parents, ever.  Everyday I found a way to provide what was needed from me to move forward. Everyday was a new start, a fresh start for my cause and giving up or being discouraged was not an option. And even more importantly, I succeeded. At 13 . I could hang out in my neighborhood with one or two friends. Of course there was supervision all around with family and neighbors keeping a watchful eye on me. At 16, I could drive and hang out. Parties were limited for me, but I took what I could get. I even had a sleep over or two. I had a 12’oclock curfew but I was okay with that. I was free for a few hours and it was all based on my own behavior. And my collage years were awesome. As long as my grades were good, all was fine. I partied and met new people and fell head over heals in love with a man who eventually I got to call husband. All of these transitions had secrets, things that were swept under the rug and hidden from those who dare not know anything. There were incidents and unflattering circumstances that came about but no one was the wiser. It was simple then. But as much as I hate to admit it, it was not the smartest way to do things; however, it was the skill of persistence I developed during those years that made transitions possible. Do what you have to do to keep on moving. And I now see that I have been over thinking my new journey. I need to go backwards and act as I did years ago. I need to have that youthful ambition and that internal motivation that drove me past any negative situations and kept me focused on my prize each time.  There was always more good than bad. I simply looked forward to the good and stepped on the bad.  Sometimes people just need to go backwards and remember who they used to be so they can continue becoming who they want to be. Me, I need to look at all the good and step on the bad as I move. And if somehow my dust bunnies creep out and I am exposed as life happens, then it’s ok because I have come to understand everyone has dust under the rug and at some point you have to sweep it up and throw it away if you want to be clean. People may see you sweep up your mess,  but it is okay. In the end, you will be a happy misfit and moving forward with a clean slate. Keep focus on the prize!!

 

Thanks for joining me!

So we all have crazy stuff we live through. More often then not, we keep the crazy stuff to ourselves. Well, I am here to share my crazy with you all. Welcome to my world! God bless until next time 💙.