I have fighred out a huge secret to accomplishment in my life. It is to go backwards. People are so caught up in growth of money, career, family, and anything else which shouts out “I’m succeeding” and often that is the image people get. But it is not honest. It’s all smoke and mirrors hiding what’s concealed in the every day reality of a person’s life. After all, who wants to show anyone the dust in corners and the dirt swept underneath the carpet. People want to present a clean house, smelling like roses. People like displaying an undisturbed, seemingly flawless forward motion of progress, happiness, and growth. So I now ponder about my life and my growth and I know I am at a transitional stage. This transition has me somewhat paralyzed. I try to make a move one way or another and I find myself still standing in one spot. And though I am careful to count my blessings, I know something needs to change. But making changes will expose me. It will show others my fears and my confident demeanor that I wear as a badge of honor will be yanked off. So, I thought about my teen days. And then I went back farther to my pre-teen days. Then I reflected on my early adult days. These days were filled with backbone and vigor. I wonder what has so drastically changed about me that I find myself unable to move. At the age of 12 I had to prove I was trustworthy and smart enough to do things on my own or my parents were never going to let me grow up. I had to be responsible and honest and show I deserved a chance to hang out with a friend or two ,unsupervised. As a teen, I wanted to drive. I wanted to go to parties and have friends over. I wanted to go to the movies and do all the things my peers did. And as a college student and a college graduate, I wanted to be seen as an adult. I wanted to spread my wings and fly. My parents were challenging at each level at every transition age but I had heart and motivation and I was resilient. I hid my fears about driving at 16. I kept that first kiss at 14 a secret. And my fun life in college that feshman year was not a subject of discussion within an ear shot of my parents, ever. Everyday I found a way to provide what was needed from me to move forward. Everyday was a new start, a fresh start for my cause and giving up or being discouraged was not an option. And even more importantly, I succeeded. At 13 . I could hang out in my neighborhood with one or two friends. Of course there was supervision all around with family and neighbors keeping a watchful eye on me. At 16, I could drive and hang out. Parties were limited for me, but I took what I could get. I even had a sleep over or two. I had a 12’oclock curfew but I was okay with that. I was free for a few hours and it was all based on my own behavior. And my collage years were awesome. As long as my grades were good, all was fine. I partied and met new people and fell head over heals in love with a man who eventually I got to call husband. All of these transitions had secrets, things that were swept under the rug and hidden from those who dare not know anything. There were incidents and unflattering circumstances that came about but no one was the wiser. It was simple then. But as much as I hate to admit it, it was not the smartest way to do things; however, it was the skill of persistence I developed during those years that made transitions possible. Do what you have to do to keep on moving. And I now see that I have been over thinking my new journey. I need to go backwards and act as I did years ago. I need to have that youthful ambition and that internal motivation that drove me past any negative situations and kept me focused on my prize each time. There was always more good than bad. I simply looked forward to the good and stepped on the bad. Sometimes people just need to go backwards and remember who they used to be so they can continue becoming who they want to be. Me, I need to look at all the good and step on the bad as I move. And if somehow my dust bunnies creep out and I am exposed as life happens, then it’s ok because I have come to understand everyone has dust under the rug and at some point you have to sweep it up and throw it away if you want to be clean. People may see you sweep up your mess, but it is okay. In the end, you will be a happy misfit and moving forward with a clean slate. Keep focus on the prize!!
Misfit Adventures 